2008 Woodie Awards
What's in Your STARs?
Issue date: 2/12/08 Section: Opinion
Aries: March 21 - April 20
Around March 11 Venus brings out the bitchy side in you, so don't be afraid to show anyone that devil side of you. A new guy may just find it sexy. Feel free to actually go out and buy a pair of devil horns.
Taurus: April 21 - May 22
After March 6, the planets inspire you to go after a cutie in one of your classes. Don't be shy go after it and see what happens. Be careful of a backpack on the ground, if you lose vision of it, you just may trip over it and that's just embarrassing.
Gemini: May 23 - June 23
Your desire for independence and freedom might be at odds with your desire for romance. Address this conflict by staying away from restaurant pasta such as Chicken, Alfredo and Pesto - it will likely be soupy. If this happens, try sipping it loudly to piss off the waiters who brought it to you.
Cancer: June 24 - July 23
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. But Mars turns on you and you find yourself alone. This just means Valentine's Day will be cheaper or maybe more expensive if you suck up.
Leo: July 24 - August 23
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. You love to kiss mirrors a lot and you will interrupt conversations to put in what you have to say. Just make sure not to break a few mirrors along the way.
Virgo: August 24 - September 22
Far from what your name might imply, this is the weekend to get naughty. Let yourself go. All that pent up shyness and practicality should be thrown carelessly to the strong winds of Romance. Just remember to be safe, in more ways than one.
Libra: September 23 - October 23
Because you are charming and romantic, now is the time to let yourself shine. Consider importing a huge block of ice from Norway and building a life size ice sculpture of someone close to your heart. Watch out for the sun, it just might blind you and you'll find you need your eyes in the future.
Around March 11 Venus brings out the bitchy side in you, so don't be afraid to show anyone that devil side of you. A new guy may just find it sexy. Feel free to actually go out and buy a pair of devil horns.
Taurus: April 21 - May 22
After March 6, the planets inspire you to go after a cutie in one of your classes. Don't be shy go after it and see what happens. Be careful of a backpack on the ground, if you lose vision of it, you just may trip over it and that's just embarrassing.
Gemini: May 23 - June 23
Your desire for independence and freedom might be at odds with your desire for romance. Address this conflict by staying away from restaurant pasta such as Chicken, Alfredo and Pesto - it will likely be soupy. If this happens, try sipping it loudly to piss off the waiters who brought it to you.
Cancer: June 24 - July 23
You like to know what's going on in the lives of everyone in the galaxy. But Mars turns on you and you find yourself alone. This just means Valentine's Day will be cheaper or maybe more expensive if you suck up.
Leo: July 24 - August 23
You will grab attention in any way you possibly can. You love to kiss mirrors a lot and you will interrupt conversations to put in what you have to say. Just make sure not to break a few mirrors along the way.
Virgo: August 24 - September 22
Far from what your name might imply, this is the weekend to get naughty. Let yourself go. All that pent up shyness and practicality should be thrown carelessly to the strong winds of Romance. Just remember to be safe, in more ways than one.
Libra: September 23 - October 23
Because you are charming and romantic, now is the time to let yourself shine. Consider importing a huge block of ice from Norway and building a life size ice sculpture of someone close to your heart. Watch out for the sun, it just might blind you and you'll find you need your eyes in the future.