Sonoma State Star

Issue date: 2/26/08 Section: Arts and Entertainment

Dina Lohan, with Lindsay and younger daughter, is never afraid to steal the spotlight. [Click to enlarge]

Lohan, enjoying a cigarette and not looking her best. [Click to enlarge]

Media Credit: Tuan Pham/X17agency.com [Click to enlarge]

Media Credit: James Devaney

So there I am, minding my own business, when suddenly I see Lindsay Lohan's nipple. Now, I don't know about you, but I can't afford cable television. So when I go to the gym to take advantage of the free cable, the last thing I want to see is something that looks like a shriveled hermit crab covered in some lace gown.
At the time, I didn't really think of it as a big deal. I mean, I follow celebrity gossip, so seeing Lindsay Lohan topless is about as common as a Sonoma State cop pulling you over for going 3 m.p.h. over the speed limit.
What I didn't realize at the time, and what I'm realizing now, is that this has become a huge issue. And then I began to think…what on Earth made this imitation of a real human being think that she could pull this off?
For starters, I haven't seen or heard anything from Lindsay Lohan in a few months, which basically meant that she needed to put out a sex tape or have a baby, because she's already done the rehab/DUI thing.
Although the thought of Lindsay Lohan engaging in any form of an intimate act is enough to make me celibate for years to come, this isn't much worse.
Though the shots were taken in a tasteful manner, what separates this sort of thing from a Playboy shoot? And, this only plays into the scandal that constantly surrounds Lindsay.
She should have done a photo shoot where she is wearing flannel and scooping out soup to homeless people, not covering her fleshy breasts with Photoshop colored flowers.
Now, aside from the obvious nudity issue, who the hell does she think she is channeling Marilyn Monroe? That's like Paris Hilton doing a photo shoot as Mother Teresa.
Granted, Marilyn Monroe was scandalous for her time, but at least she made herself into an icon.
Lindsay has made herself into a crack addict who can boast "Herbie: Fully Loaded" on her resume. That's kind of egotistical to associate yourself with someone so huge, especially when you really have nothing to brag about within your own life and career.
Marilyn Monroe has that famous picture of her standing over a sewer with her dress getting blown up. Lindsay has that famous picture of her exiting her car without underwear.
And now in the aftermath of this ordeal, we have Mother Lohan coming to her daughter's rescue through a series of statements and interviews that have absolutely nothing to do with the issue.
That woman is crazy. I bet they had to edit her out of the background of the photos, standing behind Lindsay while giving the peace sign.
She wants more attention than her daughter, and I'm afraid the next generation of Lohans will suffer more from this than their older sister.
The family is linked through dysfunction, and while in many families that can be beneficial, to them, it's just destroying so much.
We already have too many examples of entire families being torn by their greed for fame and attention.
I mean, I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want my little sister knocked up.
She's ten.
Although that might land her a role on the new season of "Drake & Josh."
While I don't necessarily find the pictures to be in bad taste, I do find the subject to be the major cause of my own personal discrepancy with them.
If they decided to photograph someone who was talented, useful to society and not a skank, then yes, this would be a beautiful tribute to a fallen actress.
Instead, they picked from the Hollywood litter who all share the common characteristics of easy, useless and wasteful.
And even though Marilyn Monroe had her share of problems, even she deserves better than that.

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