2008 Woodie Awards
Independent Day!
Don't limit yourself to one political party
Dan Mustaro
Issue date: 3/4/08 Section: Opinion
When one thinks of becoming independent, it usually means leaving home and venturing out on your own. But before your naive dreams of changing the world are brutally squashed beneath the gargantuan iron boot known as reality, realize that you can be independent by simply being different.
Sure you may have tried being different by wearing outrageous clothes, covering yourself in tattoos and pierces, or in some cases, wearing no clothes at all.
But leaving your free for all nudist tendencies at the doorstep to your nearby police precinct, there are ways to show that you are different which don't involve people laughing at you for all the wrong reasons.
To begin with, you can think differently. When most people contemplate thinking differently, it usually involves a bong, a jug of toilet wine from Wal-Mart, and/or a small bag of magic powder your friends "legit hookup" didn't know was really laundry detergent.
But while we're on the topic of getting burned, let's discuss how you can be different without spending your parents' money.
Politically speaking, you can think outside the cookie cutter mold known as the Democrat and Republican parties. Okay, I know what you're thinking, "Another political wacko out to recruit me for Heavens' Gate." Nope, my cult is way cooler AND you get to live, but that's an entirely different topic.
The point is, for those of you truly open-minded enough to reconsider being the first one to chug the donkey or elephant cool-aid; you may experience a wonderfully liberating feeling - fully clothed.
You may find yourself actually taking the time to examine multiple viewpoints on an issue, and then, after careful consideration, find yourself forming an educated opinion.
I know it sounds like formulating your own opinion would be intellectually punishing, but with enough practice, you may find yourself registering as an Independent. And who knows, people might actually listen to you pontificate in class without wishing your mouth had been sewn shut at birth.
Sure you may have tried being different by wearing outrageous clothes, covering yourself in tattoos and pierces, or in some cases, wearing no clothes at all.
But leaving your free for all nudist tendencies at the doorstep to your nearby police precinct, there are ways to show that you are different which don't involve people laughing at you for all the wrong reasons.
To begin with, you can think differently. When most people contemplate thinking differently, it usually involves a bong, a jug of toilet wine from Wal-Mart, and/or a small bag of magic powder your friends "legit hookup" didn't know was really laundry detergent.
But while we're on the topic of getting burned, let's discuss how you can be different without spending your parents' money.
Politically speaking, you can think outside the cookie cutter mold known as the Democrat and Republican parties. Okay, I know what you're thinking, "Another political wacko out to recruit me for Heavens' Gate." Nope, my cult is way cooler AND you get to live, but that's an entirely different topic.
The point is, for those of you truly open-minded enough to reconsider being the first one to chug the donkey or elephant cool-aid; you may experience a wonderfully liberating feeling - fully clothed.
You may find yourself actually taking the time to examine multiple viewpoints on an issue, and then, after careful consideration, find yourself forming an educated opinion.
I know it sounds like formulating your own opinion would be intellectually punishing, but with enough practice, you may find yourself registering as an Independent. And who knows, people might actually listen to you pontificate in class without wishing your mouth had been sewn shut at birth.
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