Sonoma State Star

Issue date: 3/18/08 Section: Arts and Entertainment

Alba flaunts her growing baby bump in a flowy formal gown, joining several other celebrities in the unplanned-pregnancy boat. [Click to enlarge]

Former drunk driver, Richie and baby Harlow's People magazine cover outsold Aguilera's, boasting around 1.8 million copies, while Aguilera and baby Max never came close. [Click to enlarge]

So, call me old fashioned, but my parents waited until after they were married before they excreted me from the supple womb.

However, in Hollywood, it seems as though getting knocked up is the new teacup Chihuahua.

This trend started way back in the day when Tom Cruise and Kat(i)e Holmes popped out their beautiful, test tube baby before she even signed her life away to him.

Then Naomi Watts, Nicole Richie and a whole other crop of celebrities soon followed suit and started the premarital baby trend.

Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against babies before marriage. In fact, I think it actually works better for some people.

However, I am willing to bet a lot of money that a good portion of these babies were not planned. And, don't you think that they will eventually figure this out when they get older?

I know my parents think I'm a mistake now, but it would crush me to know that I was one before I even earned it.

The best part is these stars are having their little cash crops earn their keep from very early on.

The first photos of the newborn are often worth millions, and that's only the beginning. These kids can be marketed for just about anything, and they are the best way to gain positive publicity.

You can't hate Nicole Richie for driving intoxicated on the wrong side of the road because she had a baby.

It's some kind of hidden rule.

So now we have the recent pregnancies of Jamie Lynn Spears and Jessica Alba making headlines, and I can't help but think about what is going through their minds.

For one thing, I didn't even know I had a vagina when I was Jamie's age, so the fact that she is about to pop one out sort of freaks me out.

Plus, I really don't think the Spears family needs to be reproducing in light of their eldest daughter--but who needs visitation rights anyways?

I was talking to a young kid the other day (not in a creepy way you perverts) and she told me that Jamie Lynn is giving up the baby and that the father is her TV show's producer.

I was taken aback. Why does a ten-year-old know these things? What kind of example is being set by these young stars?

I think they need to write her pregnancy into the plot line of "Zoey 101."

Like, maybe she can use it to her advantage when she runs for student council president of her 8th grade class, or whatever it is that she does on that show.

And now with Jessica Alba pregnant, I get to hear a whole new crop of dumb quotes coming from her mouth about her little baby.

I feel bad because this child hasn't even entered the world and I already despise its existence. It's clear this pregnancy wasn't planned and now she is embracing it strictly for publicity.

Who knows what will ultimately come from her relationship with Cash Warren, but I'd say he's set for life now that he got her knocked up.

So with this new generation of babies entering the world, we can only wonder what they will grow up to be.

Hopefully the Lindsay Lohan's will go extinct and that they will eventually find a cure for Paris Hilton, but in the meantime, we can only hope for the best with this new breed of Hollywood children coming up.

As long as I don't have to watch Hayden Christensen try to act, I'm fine with whatever Hollywood brings next…even if it is in the form of illegitimate children who are worth millions before their umbilical cord has even been cut.

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