2008 Woodie Awards
Spring break must die!
Dan Mustaro
Issue date: 4/8/08 Section: Opinion
In the Spring Semester, there is a long and glorious tradition of a week-long vacation from school called "Spring Break." In the golden years of holiday, college students would return home to spend seven long, drawn out days listening to Mom lecture us about personal hygiene while watching Dad get drunk and throw beer cans at his cursed San Francisco Giants.
Traditionally, this time of lovely family bonding also included the trans-generational three person, three minute diaper change - Grandpa, Grandma, and that brand new baby sibling. Apparently, Mom and Dad wanted to time everything just right in order to drive home the point of how thrilling it can be to create an unexpected bonus child mere days before retirement.
But before we delve into that Easter Basket of fun, we must first examine the ghost of Spring Break past.
The history of Spring Break is a storied one, wrought with political intrigue and clashing religious views. In ancient historical accounts, Spring Break, or Extended Crunk Time - as it's now known in select circles - was once called Easter Break.
Unfortunately, Easter was tied to the Christian religion (which is so 18th century America) and because fashionable academia detests certain out-of-style religious groups, they decided to showcase their unending open-mindedness by replacing the "Easter" part with "Spring". This was to avoid offending anyone, but sadly, this point was lost to the Christians.
Confused and bewildered, Christians, like morally bankrupt college seniors, turned to corporate junk food companies and costume designers for salvation.
So in an inexplicable string of events, Christians decided that there was no better way to teach the rebirth of their Lord and Savior than by unknowingly hiring a deranged transient to dress up as a horrifyingly large Bunny who could then hide type II diabetes treasures, or as they're commonly referred to as, brightly colored Easter Eggs.
Fast forward to the present. Today, privileged students - those without jobs, responsibilities or any concept of a real world outside a 24/7 "Girls Gone Wild" infomercial - travel to exotic hot spots to experience the beauty that is third world alcohol poisoning and risky romantic encounters with random strangers. The less privileged students - those with jobs and responsibilities - are reminded of just how much time going to school consumes and quickly learn to cherish their extra forty-three minutes of free time each day.
Traditionally, this time of lovely family bonding also included the trans-generational three person, three minute diaper change - Grandpa, Grandma, and that brand new baby sibling. Apparently, Mom and Dad wanted to time everything just right in order to drive home the point of how thrilling it can be to create an unexpected bonus child mere days before retirement.
But before we delve into that Easter Basket of fun, we must first examine the ghost of Spring Break past.
The history of Spring Break is a storied one, wrought with political intrigue and clashing religious views. In ancient historical accounts, Spring Break, or Extended Crunk Time - as it's now known in select circles - was once called Easter Break.
Unfortunately, Easter was tied to the Christian religion (which is so 18th century America) and because fashionable academia detests certain out-of-style religious groups, they decided to showcase their unending open-mindedness by replacing the "Easter" part with "Spring". This was to avoid offending anyone, but sadly, this point was lost to the Christians.
Confused and bewildered, Christians, like morally bankrupt college seniors, turned to corporate junk food companies and costume designers for salvation.
So in an inexplicable string of events, Christians decided that there was no better way to teach the rebirth of their Lord and Savior than by unknowingly hiring a deranged transient to dress up as a horrifyingly large Bunny who could then hide type II diabetes treasures, or as they're commonly referred to as, brightly colored Easter Eggs.
Fast forward to the present. Today, privileged students - those without jobs, responsibilities or any concept of a real world outside a 24/7 "Girls Gone Wild" infomercial - travel to exotic hot spots to experience the beauty that is third world alcohol poisoning and risky romantic encounters with random strangers. The less privileged students - those with jobs and responsibilities - are reminded of just how much time going to school consumes and quickly learn to cherish their extra forty-three minutes of free time each day.
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